i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
