You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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