also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
