Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
