So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
