i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
