Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
