i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
