what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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