I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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