yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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