No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
