I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
