YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
