I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
