Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
