You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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