I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
