half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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