I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
