you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Less talking, more tequila
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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