I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
