see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
