woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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