it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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