we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
