Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
