The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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