Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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