3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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