He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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