the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
