there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
