He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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