I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are a genius and a whore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
