Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
