It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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