There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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