Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
