Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
