You smell like stripper and shame
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
