I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
