It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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