the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
