You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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