Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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