New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
