She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
