Who wears a wallet chain?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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