i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
