I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
