Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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