Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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