you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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