I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
