I must be too annoying 4 u.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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