If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
