You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
