wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
