Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
