he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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