Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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