I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
