omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
PANTIES FOUND
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
