I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
