can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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