I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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