that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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