her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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