I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
