you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
